June 2011
1 post
May 2011
1 post
Minutes
If you’ll just give me a minute, I’ll be done. A minute passed and still nothing was finished. A year later some movement happened and everyone thought highly of that. They peeked over his shoulder and saw a blank slate. How disappointing, they thought. Just give me a minute and I’ll be done. Another minute passed and another year with it. He had concentration on his face, intensity in...
April 2011
2 posts
Jolly Porter
Mine
He kept his dreams to himself no matter how often they asked. Speaking about dreams did nothing to elucidate, rather it pushed them away, made them incoherent, destroyed the sensations. He knew that Candy Cat and the Batman People held no place in the tangible world of the waking. He preferred to remember them as they were, with bumblebee eyes and grand, shiny back-smiles. They would...
March 2011
3 posts
Jet Propulsion
She sent me spinning, gave me dreams of centipedes and long, dizzy trips round red rocks, and threw me over clover cliffs. Symphonic oboes bleated cacophony from her little baby ‘goodbyes.’ Velvet bits of skies draped my eyes, rubbed blue, violet, and traffic cone orange across my horizon, mummified me, and twirled me topside over. Mysterious salty-sweet sensations slid along my...
Doodle Game #1
Our souls feel awful sticky
Like bubble gummy icky
Clinging to the bottoms of our shoes
Found a quarter but it’s a nickel
You’re acting something fickle
For someone playing Candyland to lose.
Abbey Inn
A pink petal fell from her fingers and drifted to the untended grass below. She eyed its descent thinking momentarily of reaching, but opting to not. She preferred peach to pink. Peter often challenged her discernment between the two, especially in petals. Those times she preferred Paul to Peter.
February 2011
7 posts
Red Tomato Rage
His face showed flush amplified by the streak of ketchup across his cheek. She chuckled as she took a bite of the wicked weapon. He had been slapped with plenty of gloves, many belts, and the occasional haddock, but never with a french fry. She chewed defiantly in the face of his glare. The smell of the ketchup rose to his nose. He slowly wiped it away without breaking his stare. She broke first...
Gluey Lips
For all her effort and will, he would not open his mouth. Speak to me, she pleaded. Just a word is all I need. Neither teeth nor lips parted for her. He would not budge. Is it peanut butter? she asked. Or glue? That has done this to you. He gave no reply. His mouth stayed firmly shut. I’ll pry you open with my crowbar, she warned him. I will go sooooo far to get you to talk to me. He...
Play Me Songs
He plinked out notes on an upright piano.
Play me songs, she said. Songs I can sing to. Songs I know.
He played a brief melody that she thought she knew. Just as she caught it and began to hum along, he went right back to plinking.
I knew that one, she said. Play it again.
He played a new tune that she knew she knew. She caught it quick and hummed right in. Then he changed it. He changed...
Red Candy
Rolling softly between her fingers a pair of Twizzlers waited to meet their destinies. She made them wait for nothing more than to glare at him standing just a ways away. Finally a nibble came and they felt no pain, no more than he standing just a ways a way. She never cared much for Twizzlers — the feeling was mutual — but she needed whatever she could find to roll soflty...
Richard the Ninth Dreams Big
As a child, Richard the Ninth dug three holes to spend in his time in for the three whole days that he was grounded. The first hole was Richard the Ninth’s least favorite until he spent time in the second hole, which then became his least favorite, though after spending time in the third hole, Richard the Ninth dubbed that his least favorite. He could not say what made every hole his least...
Notes From the Journal of a Pensive Park Visitor
They fed on self-satisfaction, applauded themselves till their hands revolted, dreamed of being low because they had brought themselves to such lofty elevations. We looked on in despair thinking that nothing could get so high as these on high telling us how on high they were. Then we stopped looking at them and saw the mountains, quiet and resolute in their peaks, formed over millennia, their...
Two Lanes
The drive down took forever, she thought. To him it was a good chance for time in the car, time moving, out of stillness. The music didn’t hurt either, but neither was listening much to it. Several times he forgot to pick a new song and only the sound of the tires, the engine, the sparse traffic gave their drive a soundtrack. She wanted another song. He just wanted to keep moving. ...
November 2010
1 post
Richard the Ninth Loves Some More
Richard the Ninth trusted no one, especially himself. This led to serious conflagrations when he spent time alone and had things to say. His mouth stayed closed and his thoughts bottled up as he was always certain that the moment he spoke, the fool that was he would call him a liar and said fool, thinking himself shrewd, would think himself a liar. So the night would proceed until Richard the...
October 2010
4 posts
Little Piggies
She started by counting her toes hoping that toes, more than fingers, would ground her - unless she chose to walk on her hands, which was not entirely out of the question for these were peculiar times calling for peculiar modes of transporting oneself, especially to and from work, which had been more stressful than usual this last week – so much so that she had found herself counting her toes for...
Division
The Union failed today when today the Union divided into two Unions – sub-Unions, they are now called, though half-Union and Union Junior were both bandied about for some time.
Sub-Union A fought a great deal for its title, deeming its former brethren, now foe, Sub-Union B. Sub-Union B would not stand as a secondary, hence lesser, Sub-Union and brought forth the proposition that they both be...
Mad Man of the Special Cookie, Part I
Rather than pressing on about the cookies, she surrendered to the cake. Frosting rarely appeased her, but in this climate poor of sugar, she knew that any sweet was good sweet, even when the sweet lacked the sophistication she had previously encountered in those cookies. ‘What genius baked them?’ she wondered aloud, pink-shrouded, yellow morsels expelling from her mouth. A mad man, she...
Vapor Cries of the Steam-Powered Man
The steam-powered man with those grand hands that spanned chasms
Found himself alone no chasms to span with those grand hands
He thought to cry did the steam-powered man but the only tears to come
Turned instead to steam and vapor all heat from inside him and made him
Only want to cry more though so futile he thought it eventually
For indeed though no tears would come still the steam-powered...
September 2010
3 posts
Earbuds and Doodlebugs
What she needed at this very moment could be found in the back of the closet just between her sixteenth pair of heels – these flatter than at least five of the others – and a plastic bin marked “Misc. Winter.” Between the two aforementioned once slipped a piece of paper marked by scribbles, doodles, a short to-do list for a short Saturday (which, if she were to recall, was made even shorter by a...
Boundless Horizons
He thought – nay – knew – nay – believed that today began the day that began his new career – the Career of the Future! Here it was the present, yet he had stumbled upon it all on his own: the Career of the Future! No more would he worry for money or time or futile tasks; servitude to others in its many mangled forms, for he had uncovered the Career of the Future! Infinite bliss upon creative...
Dog's Life
Dogs. Dogs love to wander. Dogs love to run. Dogs love to push their heads between fence posts. Dogs love to eat food. Dogs love to eat non-food. Dogs love to be loved. Dogs are not allowed to be married to other dogs. Dogs are not allowed to drive cars in Maine. Dogs are not allowed to grow extra limbs. Dogs are not allowed to own property. Dogs are not allowed to write novels. Dogs are not...
June 2010
1 post
Shiny Bits
Everyday we find more and more glass in the backyard. At a certain point we assumed that the glass would all be gone. But still, we find more glass. The larger pieces were the first to go, as they were the easiest to see, followed shortly by the slivers and bits clear down to the tiniest shards. Still, we find more glass.
All flat is the glass. No green, round, bottle glass here, but bits and...
May 2010
1 post
Life Rebounds
This fish I know had just moved to the city. One day, he was out and about and got clipped by a bike messenger. It split him open pretty good sending some of his insides out where they don’t belong. Fortunately for him, the paramedics got to him before the gulls descended. The doctor, a sporting enthusiast from a young age, performed a radical procedure on the fish, filling him with...
April 2010
1 post
Watch
March 2010
2 posts
The Tobolowsky Testimonies →
Dear Mr. Tobolowsky, While I enjoy listening to your stories every week, your most recent tales of travel compelled me to take up my pen for two reasons: (1) to thank you for sharing and (2) I am in a caravan driving along Highway 21 in Utah en route to Eureka, Nevada. Ten of us are spread between three vehicles, touring four western states to bring Shakespeare to school kids. ...
February 2010
1 post
On Teaching
“What does ‘scene’ make you think of?” “I don’t know, like a… place, or like in a movie.” “Great! A movie. What’s your favorite movie?” “I don’t know. I don’t know what it’s called… it’s um… Oh yeah. District 9.” “What was your favorite scene?” “I...
November 2009
2 posts
8th Floor
He stepped into the elevator, pressed “8” and waited. Before the doors closed, an older woman stepped in, looked at the buttons, and pressed nothing. A moment later, they came to floor 8. She turned to him and asked, “Is that you?” He responded affirmatively and stepped out. She stayed in, presumably to ride for the rest of the day.
Thursday morning
She woke up decorating. And then we suddenly had a new home with a yard and the space for her to decorate. So goes the day.
October 2009
3 posts
Watch
Dum Dums and Hipsters
It could very well be that I am a sucker. For many things: girl singers, pancakes, inspirational sports moments. While I do not concede that I suck, I accept that perhaps I am a sucker. (What’s the difference between a lollipop and a sucker? Give me five dollars and I’ll tell you.) Movies come along and people call them boring, twee, hipster bullcor disguised as profundity, but I,...
September 2009
8 posts
Sanity in Silence
He knew well that hell was tinted in red and yellow, but it took the golden arches hovering above his head to realize the evil power of those colors. The eyes of dozens lit up a the sight of them, condemning themselves in complicity. They took from him what the devious ones had told him to do. He did not believe in his actions, but he knew well what should come next. He figured he should cure...
Bright Side
Hoping for any sign from the bright side, he comforted himself with the notion that the sun was always darkest before the dawn. It took him no time to realize that the sun was a giant ball of flame that burned perpetually millions of miles away, except in Britain where the metric system still reigned. He walked home humming a tune that must have belonged to INXS because he had found it in the...
Sung by a man on Chicago Avenue
McDonalds is my favorite place
They feed you rattlesnakes
Put roaches in their shakes
They give me belly aches.
WatchA man of great humility and work ethic. Speaking with Mara the other night, I realized I admire players like Mr. Stockton because they remind me of who I hope to be as a person more than as a player.
His opening statements were tremendous, congratulating the other inductees and asking, “What am I doing here? I played 30 years competitively… in all those years, not once, was I the...
Day one
His journey began with a stop at the 24-hour doughnut shop. The apple fritters tasted best at 4 AM and here it was nearing 3:58. He stepped in and saw no fritters and thought to wait. The gaunt master of doughnuts behind the counter told no fritters would be coming his way anytime soon. He settled on a plain buttermilk and maple old-fashioned and continued on his way.
By 5 o’clock...
Richard the Ninth and the First Rabbit War
Richard the Ninth shopped for oranges one afternoon when suddenly he was struck with a carrot, struck in the face actually. He looked for the source of the carrot, but found he was alone in the market. A closer look revealed that he was not in the market at all, rather he had wandered into a library.
Libraries confused and angered Richard the Ninth and he wondered why he wandered there. Just...
Sure Enough
We found ourselves nearing a dead end so we kept going just to make sure and sure enough the dead end came and we were stuck with nowhere to go but right back where we came from. So we turned around and started going back the way we came from but everything looked different since we had only come the one way and instead of realizing that everything looks different coming back the other way we...
August 2009
6 posts
Cute
A puppy was born today and the world rejoiced. They carried the cute creature across many lands and waters until he arrived at his new home, the Temple of the Rambunctious Cuteness. He opened his eyes that evening and through the haze of newborn confusion and religious fervor saw no teat from which to suckle. Many of the surrounding observers offered their own teats to the puppy (mostly men),...
She Talks Sometimes For Days
He understood her better with his eyes closed. She occasionally took to severe rambling which could last all night if the moment — or many hours of moments — took her there. He had learned that his eyes told too much and absorbed too little when she went on talking this way. He assured her that she looked just fine, very nice most of the time, but closing his eyes was the only way. ...
New Eyes
He looked at the world through new eyes; eyes he found at the Salvation Army beneath piles and piles of In Styles. The eyes looked large in his smallish hands, but once placed properly were dwarfed by his lollipop head and low, cro-magnon brow. Dainty eyes, he called them. Eyes to be tender by, or with, or to. With these eyes, he thought, I can begin the day with poetry and end with soft...
May 2009
1 post
Open Letter of Lament
To: KING OF THE INTERWEBS CC: jolly porter Dear King of the Interwebs, Breaking against his advice, I need to tell you that I miss the jolly porter. Announce it from high atop this fifth-floor walk-up just below the George Washington Bridge. THE JOLLY PORTER IS MISSED! I MISS YOU JOLLY PORTER! I understand every reason the jolly porter put an end to his adventures — now wait! The man...